Evidence of Grace

Evidence of Grace

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I miss the fire fly days...

I remember when I was a little girl watching the movie Peter Pan and wondering why, in the end, the Darling children never wanted to grow up? For when they were adults they could set their own bed time, keep Nanna in the house, and even jump on their beds whenever they pleased. Even as I grew into my teen years and Peter Pan became one of my top five favorite books I still couldn't wait to grow up. My mother used to tell me to never grow up and to always keep my innocence. I would always shrug my shoulder's and embrace every comment from people saying "Wow! You act way older than 13.(or 14 and so on)" I always wanted to be older.

As I came to my senior year the adrenaline began to kick in, I knew that being "adult" was the life I always wanted, making my own decisions, setting my own bed times, and going where I wanted when I wanted, I couldn't wait! I was all set up to attend Grace Bible College for Theater but my whimsical, adventurous side got the better of me and brought me to a small town 800 miles away from home, just outside of Charlotte, North Carolina called Waxhaw. It was the perfect place for me to start my new life, whatever that may be. There was only a handful of people I knew and those people were very dear to my heart, I had meet them through an amazing ministry my mom worked for called Proverbs31. I visited in the summer, still having no idea where I was going to live or what I was going to do. I retuned home for my opening of Grease The Musical and after we performed our last show I packed my stuff and the next week was up at 3am on a Friday morning eager to head out in this new phase of life. We drove 17 hours and eventually made it to Charlotte.

I decided to attend a Cosmetology school and spent one year of my life living with some amazing people. There were three different families I lived with, rent free might I add, and they were all amazing and I am so grateful to them!

However, It didn't take long for reality to sink in and although I would never admit it, I cried myself to sleep that first night, and many nights after. The next year was an adjustment, I had to begin paying for my own gas, school, food, and fun things. But it was NOTHING compared to my life now. I remember working so hard and being at school so much that I never truly spent time with the families I lived with. But they never seemed to mind my absence. They were great! The "school" chapter of my life came to a close and I was so excited, and even though I still have state boards to do I felt like a weight was off my shoulders, and now I could FINALLY make money!

But along with the end of school came the end of not paying for my own stuff since then I have taken on the responsibility of ALL my expenses, including, rent (which is still very cheap thanks to Holly Good), insurance, paying off my school, phone, my new car, and soon my health care, dental, and everything else. I have realized that I am now an adult, and the glamor of it is totally gone. I don't want to grow up any more. I want to go back to never land. Things were so much easier in my firefly catching days. I miss Peter Pan, and even Captain Hook wasn't that bad after all. I now am grateful for the times I had and feel as Taylor Swift put it so well in her song Never Grow up,

"Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad get's home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all you're little brothers favorite songs
I just realized everything I had is someday gonna be gone

So, here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So, I tucked myself in and turned my night light on
Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up"

Not only that, but my adventurous side is kicking in again, and I had let Satin get a foot hold on my thoughts. I felt convicted every time someone talked about missions or serving at a camp or homeless shelter for a week. I felt guilty and like I was not serving God. But I now see that we all have chapters in our lives and this chapter of mine, my serving is being diligent in the Word, and tithing, or taking a struggling teen out to coffee so she can vent about her High-school Drama! So I have decided to embrace where I am now. I love where I live and who I get to spend my times with! I know that God is stretching me and molding me today for what he has for me in the future. Until then, I will go to bed before 9, tuck myself in, turn on my nightlight, and drift off to never land where there are many adventures to be held.


  1. Kenna,
    Loved this! So glad to see you're writing!
    I could really only read this post, though, because the font was way too dark on the others - blended right into the page. Maybe it's my computer? Anyways. I look forward to reading more!
    Emily Jefferies

  2. Oh Kenna-- I remember how much you loved Pan and Tink and Neverland. I'm bawling as I read your words and realize what a beautiful woman you've become. When you come for Christmas, let's get in our jammies make some hot cocoa and watch Peter Pan in our jammies. I'm never growing up. Don't you either. 28 days!!!
    Cyber {[hugs}],

  3. Very nice i am so happy you did move down here...so i am going to start reading your blog :) ;) okay bye love you