At the Feet of Jesus

Why is it that we can give God our "everything" yet still hold on so tightly to that one thing that binds us? I mean, think about it, theoretically, if you were in chains and it was holding you back from freedom, would we sit there and clench tightly to those chains? What if someone came and had they key to unlock the hold it had on us, all the chains fell to the ground, and we were deemed free? Would we say, "NO! I will stay here and hold these chains up so that they appear to be holding me back because that is what I am used to?" NO, we would run, dance, and skip for joy. So why in life when Christ has come and set us free from ALL our sins and trials, do we hold onto them? He wants to carry our load but we do not have enough faith to allow Him.

We are merely humans, we cannot carry this load alone, this we know, however we try to say "Here God, you take this, and this, and I'll hold onto this one because I don't think you can handle it, but you can have this." Our God is the God of the universe, He spoke and made the sun rise, the hung the stars with nothing but words. But I always find myself holding onto the one thing that I want to control. And if we aren't careful that thing we want control over, will soon control us.

Tonight at C4 (A college ministry I attend) Tyson, the leader, spoke about how Abraham trusted God so much that he would give up his only son because God had commanded him. He sacrificed the thing he loved for the one he loved. Now, I can't think of anyone who God's asked to give up their child as an offering, and if He did, they are probably sitting in a cold, hard, jail cell somewhere. But what about the little things, what about our diet, our friends, our job, our time, our relationships, our want for a relationship, our worship? These things are so small in the grand scheme of things so why can't we let go? You see, it is because we are controlling, selfish, doubting humans, that have no faith in the God who saved us. We instead cling to these things and obsess until we stress over them, but guess what!? It doesn't change the outcome one bit. Why? because we are NOT in control, GOD is! So no matter how much we try to say we are in control, or act like we are, we have NOTHING to do with the outcome of trying situations and the only one who can change the outcome is the one who created it.

During Worship I experienced God in such a way that it, physically, brought me down to my knees. I was convicted that I haven't given God my worship, I mean sure, I worship Him at church, in the car, or even in the shower through song, but worship as a way of life? No, I hold onto worship so that when it is convenient for me I can pull it out, get that spiritual high and then tuck it away till I need it again. But our lives should BE worship. We should worship God the way we clean the floors, or how we make dinner for the family, or the way we greet costumers at our work place. It all boils down to this, if we would just give God our heart then everything else would fall into place. Our friends, relationships, worship, fears, doubts, everything would follow.

So tonight, as I lay down in my comfy bed, I am going to make a vow to not hold onto my fears and worries about the future and what is to come. I am going to give God my heart and only worry about Worship, as a way of life, and eventually, everything else will fall into place. I am done obsessing until I stress over things I have no control over. I have fallen down, and I lay my worries, fears, hopes, and dreams at the feet of the only one who can control them, at the feet of Jesus.

Snowed in, in the South

Well, it has been a little while since I have written a post. But since today I am stuck inside because of our southern "Blizzard" I guess I will take the time to fill you all in on my life.

Lately I have been overwhelmed with the holiday season, traveling home to see my family and all the hectic events that come with it. Besides that, I haven’t really known whatto blog about. My life has consisted of small things that pile up into a heap of “to do’s” on my list, things such as; changing my residence, switching all my license plate and license to North Carolina, getting things around to take State Boards (which my written happens a week from tomorrow…PRAY FOR ME!) and getting back into the swing of things. Don’t fret though, even with all ofthese things cluttering my desk my brain has been free to think….well almost. :)

I’ve never really liked making New year’s resolutions because I feel as though very few people ever stick to them. I personally believe that they are empty promises to our-selves, and God, that are rarely ever followed any actions. That is why this year I made a resolution to NOT make a resolution. Now that one I can keep! I don’t see the need to make a “resolution” to dosomething, instead we need to just do it and take life a day at a time. I believe goals are good to set however, resolutions are saying, “I AM going to do this” instead of “I’m working TOWARDS this.” That is why I am setting goals. This way I will have something to work towards and can embrace the journey along the way instead of wanting so badly to be at the end of this Journey.

This same theory caries over into our spiritual lives aswell. I find in my own life that many times when I am discontent with where I am in my spiritual walk instead of embracing what God is doing in my life, how he is shaping and molding me, or teaching me patience, I begin to yearn for the future. I begin to yearn for the end of my journey. I close my eyes and heart to what God’s plan for me is, now in this very day, very minute.

This year I have decided to embrace where I am in my journey, in life, in love, in friendships, and in my spiritual walk. This journey is where God has me. This journey is my own. This journey is my destination.

Here are just a few pictures of how we do it here in the South when there is a "Blizzard" and a couple differences between the North and South!

One. Instead of a snow mobile or even a 4-wheeler southerners use a tractor!

Two. When southerners hear about a few "flurries" the shelves in the canned food isle's at the Local Harris Teeter are BARE!

Three. The one time it does snow in the south, regardless of the fact that they are ecstatic to go outside, it takes 3 hours to get outside because no one knows where to find the proper attire for snow playing.

Four. They care more about what they look like while sledding than how cold it is out.

Five. Only in the south do you find facebook blown up with pictures of every flake of snow that has fallen from the ground.

Six. In the north, at the crack of dawn with the first sign of snow, we hit the roads to find an empty parking lot for doing donuts, in the south, there wont even be a single set of tracks on the road until after 11 am.

Seven. In the south, Rain boots are also considered snow boots.

Eight. In the south if it snows in the morning, no worries it will all melt by dinner time.

Nine. In the north when we come home to a foot of snow we have an hour school delay the next morning, in the south when there is a dusting of snow, they cancel school for a week.

Ten. There is nothing more amazing than seeing the smile on a little southern girls face when she sees snow beginning to fall, up north, when the children sign snow you'd thing you just grounded them for life.

Bonnie Opper. A Hero In my Eyes

In this busy season of life there is so many things we over look, right down to the very breath that we breath. There is so much left to do, so many gifts to get and stocking to stuff. However

today, as I sit here with my hair wet, still in my bathrobe, with only one hour until I am supposed to be to a Christmas party, I am taking the time to pause to remember Bonnie Opper. Bonnie went home to be with the Lord yesterday morning. There are so many things that "need" to be done but for a moment life pauses. I will pause to thank God for what I do have. For my family, my friends, and my Lord, that is what Christmas is all about right?

I can still remember Mrs. Opper trying to get thirty-some kids ready for a play at Teenworks. She would always bring us snacks, water bottles, and anything else we needed. She was always the first one there and one of the last ones to leave. She would get down and do the grime work, setting up before, and then cleaning up after. She was truly self-less. I remember all the times she would help Cassandra and I get ready for The Hiding Place, she was always encouraging to us and never missed a performance, or practice for that fact. You could count on her for anything.

After the first round of cancer I remember seeing her at a basketball game, she had her mask on and looked so tired but she was still there cheering Caleb on. I remember running over to give her a hug and she told me that she was so sick no one could touch her. I can tell you one thing, if I was that sick I would NOT be out, but she was wonder-woman, she was ALWAYS there. Nothing stopped her.

Her legacy will live on for years to come. It truly makes you stop and think about what you are leaving behind for those who follow you. Her legacy is one that we all should strive for, Mother, Wife, Friend, Helper, Encourager, Teacher, A self-less woman, Dependable, Comforting, and above all and Daughter of the King, A woman who loved her creator so much she couldn't help but keep it inside. It flowed out of her every day.

So today, when I got to this party, my hair will probably still be wet, my make up, only half done, and my spirit heavy, but I can tell you this, the worries about what gifts I still need or what to make for Christmas dinner has all melted away, and the real meaning of Christmas has hit me so much harder.

Faith in a Faithless World.

Why is it that every time I try to start this post I can't get the words to come out?

Why is it that we get butterflies from 3 ordinary words?

Why is it the thought of one person can make our heart leap for joy?

Why is it that even when we are dog tired, we will wait up for that one phone call?

Why is it that same person can turn around and break our heart in a million pieces?

And why is it that we will turn right around and set ourselves up for that same thing to happen, yet again?

As humans we are made to crave companionship. Think about it. That is our deepest desire, to be close in companionship with God, and with each other. It makes sense that, to us, nothing is as bad as being alone. Even if we are in a relationship that is abusive, un-equally yolked, or is simply something that is not in God's will for our life, all we want it that love, attention, and companionship. But if we could just learn to rely on GOD for ALL of our needs we know that we will be satisfied. it says in Proverbs 3:5&6,

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight."

But we find this simple things so complex. Why? Because we are only human, we have no trust in us, and we are materialistic. We want to be able to see, with our own eyes, what it is we put our trust in. In all actuality we are, modern-day, doubting Thomas'. We want to see it with our own eyes. We smiply have no faith.

So I am taking the challenge to trust God in this area of my life. Trusting him that I am not going to be alone emotionally, even if HIS will for me is to be along physically. I am trusting in Him to meet my needs so that I can, in return, help him to meet other's needs.

I am choosing to have faith in faithless world.

Canceling My Appointment with the World.

So lately I have been reminded how precious life is, we are but a vapor, here today and gone tomorrow. It makes me stop and think, think about what is it we will be remembered by. What will people say about us once we are gone? What legacy will we leave? And more importantly, what have I done to further the kingdom, or should I be trying ten times harder??

There is a girl I know who, just yesterday, decided to go through with an abortion she had scheduled for today. She found out she was pregnant and then decided to keep the baby after making the appointment, however she never canceled her appointment. Then, for whatever reason, she decided that she couldn't do this and was going to abort, I mean she already had the appointment, why not? Right?

Now, I am not sure if she really did or not because when I tried to call and tell her that I had heard of a family who would be interested in the baby if she would not abort and that I would help her with medical bills and what not she told me that she wanted nothing to do with me and was going to take me to court for harassment, thus I have not tried to contact her. I asked my sisters in Christ to join me in prayer last night and, if nothing else, that girl has been covered in prayer like none-other. So thank you so much to everyone who prayed.

But it makes me wonder, why is it that when we try to do the right thing it always blows up in our face? I believe it is because Satan wants to discourage us. You see, she made me feel guilty for telling people about her "situation" as she so vividly put it. She said she didn't want anything to do with our "prayer chains" or our "god" ....Well, I am going to continue to keep people posted on what little I know and pray ten times harder, because I have seen the power of prayer and from seeing a few text messages she sent my friend, I am not sure she went through with it today. I will continue to pray for her and doing what is right, and when the Devil slaps me in the face, with God's help, we will PUNCH him back...ten times harder.

You see, sometimes we make appointments with our own "Abortion Clinic" whether it be that friend we keep ties with just for the occasional night out on the town, the bottle of vodka we stash away "just incase", the extra credit card we just keep in our wallets for "mall emergencies", or even the tub of ice cream in the freezer outside saved for our next depression run. When what we really need to do is cancel our appointment all together, cancel our appointment with the world so that when things start to get tough we can't simply show up to a perviously made appointment, but instead, we have to really think about it before we even make an appointment. So I am going to try to cancel my appointment with the world, and instead make one with Jesus, because only he is the REAL solver of all our problems.

~Kenna

What do I know to be true?

Sometimes I wonder what it is that God is doing with my life? I mean we hear all the time to embrace the life we have, to be diligent in the things God gives us now and not worry about the future. But as I sit here on the first of the month with my bills all due today and my bank account hardly balancing out to what I owe, and the holidays just around the corner, it is hard to "just trust" that God will provide. The bottom line is this, my job's pay the bills and that is all. I don't' have wiggle room, I can hardly take a day off to schedule my state boards for Cosmetology school, and with the clock ticking away I feel the pressure growing.

As I try to take some time to reflect, I am reminded of the sweet words of my Pastor's Wife, who consoled me through High school, she always told me to go back to what I KNOW to be true about God. Is he Faithful? Yes! Is he true? Yes. Will he always provide for me? Yes. Will I ever be without? No. Does he love me? Yes. Am I secure in my status of being his princess? Yes. Do I need to know anything else? No.

After reflecting on this, my heart is a bit at ease. However there is always that burden of being an adult. I know that God will provide though. Also, I am trying to setting more realistic goals. I have decided that by this time next year I want to be living on my own and working full time in a salon. Besides working towards my goals I am now going to leave it all up to God.

Thanks for listening

~Kenna

Through the Eyes of a Child.

Hey there y'all! I hope you have all had a great time with your families and are full of yummy food! I thought I would do a little something different for this blog. Not everyone see's things through the same pair of eyes, there are many different ways that we experience things, especially the holidays! So for the next few minutes, sit back and remember what it was like when YOU were eleven and the world was only as big as you were tall.....

Hi I am Brooke but you can call me Brookie I love to read kenzi's (you all know her as kenna) blog. Any ways...I was just sitting with here and she was reading her last bolg post and i loved it and I thought, 'Well, it was all about ME!!!!!!!!! Maybe I should write a blog!' so here I go!

Well I thought about how much I love thanksgiving so I am going to say all the things I think were the best about my thanksgiving.

1.going to spend time with my family

2.knowing that i have my birthday in less then a mouth

3. and last but not least not going home until late tomorrow

thanks for listen to me!

I love you kenzi.

So there was Thanksgiving from an eleven year old's perspective. Sometimes I wish that I still could see through the eyes of a child. This year I tried to put those glasses back on and eat, without counting calories, ride golf carts, with my hair down, fall asleep on the couch WITH my shoes on, and watch football just because the dad's were. I think I succeeded! I was even told that I drooled while I slept.

I believe to say that this vacation was anything less that an adventure would be an inadequate statement. We have had a car over heat and were forced to leave it at Starbucks, played "Left, Right, Center" and gone through, over $200 combined, shopped till we drooped, had a few "situations" and lots of laughter! I am beyond blessed to have the TerKeurst's in my life and a wonderful place to spend the holidays!

Until next time,

~Kenna