My Simple Bare Tree

The stockings are no longer stuffed; where the gifts once lay, wrapped in hope and expectation for the New Year, there's nothing but a few leftover, dried-up pine needles scattered about. The Christmas bulbs are placed in their boxes and the star topper is wrapped, safely awaiting next year’s commotion and hype.

The Christmas candles are all burnt down; no more leftover sweets or pies and the infamous tree—once full of life, lights, and all sorts of shiny things—lays bare by the common dumpster outside my door, patiently waiting for the garbage man to come haul it away.

There are no more Christmas tunes whistling through Founders Hall, Hearst Tower, or Modern Salon and Spa. No more three-story trees or Christmas cheer at all! But this year as we come to the end of yet another chapter in this storybook called life, I've realized some things I never have before.

For the first time ever I have realized just how much I can relate to that tree that lavished my bare wall in the living room. You see, no matter how much you water it—how many ribbons, bows, lights, bulbs, or snowflakes you place upon it—under it all it’s still just a bare, plain, tree that cannot stand on it's own.

It's a lot like us.

You see, unless it stays rooted in the ground where it was planted and is in its natural environment, it will never survive.

It was never made to be cut down and "transplanted."

It will now forever be dependent on someone to water and care for it. Trees were never created to be dependant on someone or something else. They were created to stand on their own. Just like we were. No, it might not have the bright lights, bulbs, bows, ribbons, and sparkles, but it does have what it needs to survive. It has life, independent life away from having the burden of needing desperately to rely on someone else. 

This past year I have found myself sawing at my roots, trying to find a "stand" to place my trunk in and clothing myself with all sorts of ribbons, bulbs, lights, and sparkle when all I ever really needed was already given to me in advance.

I loved the moments I had, things I did, places I went, and the people I shared it all with. I traveled Europe this summer to "find myself" and it’s comical to me that six months later, in an almost empty apartment living room, because of those experiences, I have never felt closer to God or myself.

I guess finding myself was more about the journey than the actual destination. It's a journey that I will be on the rest of my life. 

As I reflect on the past year I can see God's hand, protections, and blessing in ever area of my life: my relationships, situations, job, private life, broken hearts, and shattered hopes. He has never been more real to me than is this moment of reminiscing.

This year I am thankful for new friends found in old loves, friendships that never need to be questioned, broken hearts, shattered hopes, and the beautiful picture He has promised to make out of it all.

I am grateful for second chances, and learning the hardest lesson I have yet to learn thus far in life: that above all else I need to guard my heart, because everything I do flows from it. (Proverbs 4:23)

So here is to a New Year, new heartbreaks, new lessons to be learned, a heart full of gratitude, and the confidence that God's hand is still over my life; that He is creating a beautiful picture that screams evidence of His grace, and that he never gives up on me.

2012 it's been a long, hard year, full of lessons learned and memories made. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Here's to you 2013: may we make more memories and then—remember what we’ve learned. 

Empty House, Empty Heart

So, I realized lately that I haven't been writing at all, I mean, sure, I write in my journal about what's happening in life, I write notes to friends and relatives, I craft tweets, update status', and even shoot texts. But as far as writing from the heart, the way I used to be so passionate about, I haven't. Perhaps it's my hectic schedule, lack of down time, or just the place in life I am when everyone and everything around me seems to be screaming, "What now?" "What next?" "Where to go?" And somehow in the chaos of life, trying to figure this all out I am brought back here, to the the one place where I really, truly, and honestly can answer those questions and be reminded of who I am. Here, on this January night, I am slipping back into the old familiarity of what it feels like to see fresh ink dance across the empty pages of my once bland Journal and witness it come back to life for the first time in a really long time.   


I am a writer, I will always be a writer, it's what makes me thrive, it's what brings me back. Sometimes we just need a little help and a small taste to remind me of the freedom I am capable of experiencing. 


Tonight I lit a half burnt candle that scented my room with the sweet aroma of cinnamon from a very dear friend. I reached for my matches, threw on my pajamas, flicked off the light, and crawled into my comfy bed, pen in hand and Hot Coco an arm's length away. As the flame of the candle shine as the solo light amidst my dark room shadows danced across the walls and ceiling. The slightest bit of wind swayed the light but it stayed lit, it was still there, and it still shown into the darkness. 


I remember when I received that candle, the first time I light it the flame was high and bright, there was just the rim of the crystal clear jar to taint the glow. But over time the wax melted from the heat and the flame began to be consumed by the jar. As the candle burned the jar acquired a cloudy haze that eventually turned into a black as midnight soot that bared witness to the constant flame. The light became less vibrant, yet it still burned. 


Sometimes I feel like this candle. Lately I feel like it ever day. My flame was so bright when it began to burn, when I got that new job, that new car, that new relationship, or even that new ambition; But, over time, that flame leaves a residue on my once crystal clear life. The soot slowly blurs my vision and vibrancy. It's in these situations that I always want to give up. But we need to not forget that this only means our flame is indeed burning. Sure, we need to take time to stop and clean out our jar and make things clear again but this is a good sign, not a bad one. The soot in our lives bares witness to the fact that we are still burning, we are still giving off light, and even though we might think it isn't as bright, it is light. Just like that candle in the night, we might be the only light someone has in their life. 


In 2011 I tried to figure myself out, I tried so hard that I ended up losing myself in ever single way. I have forgotten who I am, who's I am, and why I am. I haven't been taking time to clean the sides of my jar in order to let more light through. I have been trying to settle into my new reality and figure out this crazy thing called life. I've always hated New Year's Resolutions, I think you should set goals and set them daily. But this year I have decided to set a New Year's Dedication, this year I have decided to dedicate to re-finding myself, reminding myself, rededicating myself, and reassuring myself that I am a strong, confident, independent, princess of the King and no one can change that. 


I am deciding that my song for this year is The House That Built Me by Miranda Lambert, the chorus goes like this,


I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Holding nothing but a memory
From the house that built me


 It is only appropriate that this is my song because this year, on Christmas Eve my parents took us all back to the house we grew up. We saw our hand prints in the driveway, ran through the empty house, sat in an empty living room, and, for myself, brought an empty heart. Yet somehow in all the emptiness there was love, forgiveness, grace, and hope overflowing. There was such a peace in that cold and empty house that I haven't found anywhere else, ever. Thank you mom and dad for taking us to Travor Street! St, I'm letting "this little light of mine shine," and am not letting anyone blow out my hope, my passion, my confidence, or my flame. 

This was always where we sat together...

..... and almost 21 years later we still loved sitting by the old heater, even though it was off. 

Trust and Obey, for there is no other way

I know it has been a while since I have written but that is only because life has been crazy. I mean let's face it, when isn't it?

So many things have been going on and God is moving and working in ways that merely 6 months ago I would of never even thought possible.

Right now I sit writing to you in the cozy house of my amazing boss! Him and his wife were out for an Operator's Meeting and will probably be home shortly. I have done dinner, read books, changed diapers, painted nails, quoted scripture, said prayers, given kisses, and even done my abb work out. So I thought I would sit down to share with you where God is taking me.

My whole life I have always struggled with believing that God is in control. Sure we are told that, we even say it to others, and ourselves. But to truly live everyday in faith and know without a doubt that God is in control is easier said than done. I have always had so many plans for my life and so many different things I've wanted to do, and although I am ashamed to say this I have never had enough faith to just step out and do them. For instance I have always wanted to go on a missions trip over seas, but have been too scared that when the time came I wouldn't have raised enough money, my job would hold me back, or something like that. So I have never done it. But this summer I have been given the opportunity to go to Germany, I prayed about it and I think I am going to take it! I can't wait and I know that God WILL provide. He has complete control of this situation

Another thing that has been going on in my life is that I am trying to transition from my Jobs now to the next without totally giving up the two ones I have now... wow I even confuse myself sometimes, so if you followed that you can see how hard that might be. But just today the very salon I really want to be in called and said that even though they usually don't make exceptions they would be willing to meet with me tomorrow and talk about my availability. I am stoaked and nourvious all at once! Of course, God has control of this situation too.

A huge blessing in my life is that this coming up saturday I am leaving for a week long resort and criuse with the two families I work for and the family I live with and even in that God is reminding me that He is not only meeting all of my needs but so many of my wants too. He knows my hearts desire.

Lately, through all of this, I have been reminded of the verse in the bible that tells us to look at the Birds and see how God's had is on them, how much more is his hand on us? On me? Who is made in his likeness, who he loves more than any other creation?

I am learning to let go, trust God, and not only say with my mouth that I believe that but live it out every day of my life. I know that he will provide for me in ways I can never fathom if I will be faithful, obedient, and trust that he is bigger than ANY situation I may face. This makes me think of the Hymn Trust and Obey...So tonight as I fall asleep I will hum that song into my dreams and hold onto that promise, that if I only trust and obey I will be Happy in Jesus!

~Kenna

My weekend I wont overlook.

What an amazing, crazy, packed weekend I had! This past weekend I was able to fly to Jacksonville Florida and meet up with my mom and Cheri Keaggy for a woman's retreat! It was one of the best conferences I have ever been to! The lady who was in charge of taking care of us was the sweetest lady ever, and always eager to help with whatever we needed. The coordinator of the conference was the most genuinely kind-hearted lady ever. She was so full of joy and peace. They made us feel like Princesses, which was great because that was the theme of the conference. We had worship time, speakers, food, and shopping! I was able to sign a couple of songs with Cheri and it was so special because for the first time in all my years of knowing her it really hit me that I was on stage with Cheri Keaggy, the dove award winning lady who's music I used to dance around my childhood kitchen as a little girl! What an honor!

I would have to say that the best part of my weekend thought was when I realized just how much I missed my mom. She has been such a big part of my life, even if I wanted to pretend that she wasn't at times. I had such a blast with her and am so blessed to have her not only as my mother but my friend! We stayed up way too late laughing about some cheesy Halmark Movies and giving back rubs! I miss her already and am looking forward to seeing her again soon!

The weekend ended with hugs and some chocolate for the road. We flew together to Atlanta and then, in a hurry as to not miss our plans, scurried to our connections and said our farewells via Twitter! Thanks to my amazing tweeting lessons I gave on the car ride to the airport. :) After a long, hot, plane ride of being hit on by High-school, spring-break, sun-burnt, probably hung-over boys I was so grateful to Jesus for the Star

bucks I barley had time to grab just before boarding my next crowded plane. I landed safely and even thought I lost my parking ticket...and my car, the nice security guy took a break from checking his myspace and helped me to find it. (I didn't even know myspace was still around) However, it didn't occur to me to ask him for help until I had walked around EVER long term parking lot in the Charlotte-douglas airport, in heels, and a dress. (Man I need to find new travel clothes) I ended up getting home late and found a new BED in my room all set up and ready for me to crash, along with my sweet roommate and family! Man I am blessed!

Isn't it funny how, with family especially, we take so much for granted when we are right next to it, living in the same house as family members, sharing the same bathroom, and eating the same food. But when we grow up and move out we realize just how well we had it! This week I am trying to find those things I take for granted because they are right under my nose and so "convenient" and taking the time to appreciate them

before they are gone.

What are somethings that you can be thankful for that you usually over look?

This week I am going to be thankful for Coffee, for family, for friends, and my bed. I will be grateful in knowing that my car is parked just outside my door and will be ready for me in the morning, I am thankful for air conditioning, pretty dresses, and high heels that make me feel tall! For friends to travel with and great ones to come home to. But most of all for the memories that are made regardless of the situation we are in!

Complete Control.

SO I realized I haven't written in a while...not because I don't enjoy writing rather because I work way too much! But God is good and he is moving in my life.

God has differently been making some huge changes in my life and opening my eyes to things that I would of never thought possible...

When I think back to my life in High school I think of how unimportant God was to me. Of course I went to church and was involved in ever missions, youth, and leadership thing possible, but I did not rely on God to get through my day to day life. Now, as I am nearing my 20th year on this earth I have realized just how important he is to me. You see, for me it was never this huge life changing experience that made me choose God over the world. I have always been a "good" kid. But it was purely putting God First, before the world that was the hardest. I always tried to put God and the world in the same box, all the while, in scripture, it has been made very clear that if anyone is a part of the world they are NOT a part of God.

The other day I heard the lady I work for state it so perfectly. Her son came to her saying he needed a Bible because he couldn't find his and it had been over a week, she said "how did you do that? That is like starving your soul....that is like telling your body it can't have food for a week...it just doesn't work" it made me realize how right she was, it really doesn't work, my bad days are not a coincidence, it is a DIRECT connection to the time I spend with God. I know that there are days I feel like I am going to snap, but instead of letting the devil get a grasp on my situation, I let God take control of my situation. I let him calm me, control me, and comfort me. I choose to allow God to help me rise above it!

I am so grateful to God for his comfort and the small things he does to get me through each day. In what way are YOU thankful? How have you let Him take control of hard time in your life?

Forever Friends

Recently I have realized what amazing friends I had growing up, especially in High-school, when my world seemed to be caving in (and now I see that it wasn't) God had me surrounded with the most amazing friends ever. They never gave up on me or on our friendships.

These past two years I have seen many people fade in and out of my life. This being because I have lived in 2 different homes, in two totally different area's of Charlotte, I have started and finished school and gone through 4 jobs, and found MANY new friends. But I haven't really found many of those amazing friends that are the ones that will stick with me through thick and thin. For a while I thought that there was something wrong with me for the longest time and wondered why I couldn't find those constant friends. But in crying out to God begging Him for true friends He has not only brought along a handful or amazing individuals but He has also, for the first time, brought to my attention just how blessed I was in High-school. I had the most amazing friends who followed hard after God and were true to me no matter how awful I was.

God has given me some really close friends that I get to work with. one girl I went to school with, my wonderful Hope who we have been through it all together Thick and veryyy THIN! I am so thankful for her because I can truly say that if it weren't for her I would not of stuck it out and be in North Carolina today ....and especially my roommate who I love beyond words and seriously couldn't live without! Along with my new friends here God has brought me closer to people from home that I was never close with before, and more than anyone my brother and I have become best friends and if you knew us when we were younger you would see how amazing this is! :)

So today, think about the friends in your life...tell them how much they mean to you! Remember how lucky you are to have them in your life!

At the Feet of Jesus

Why is it that we can give God our "everything" yet still hold on so tightly to that one thing that binds us? I mean, think about it, theoretically, if you were in chains and it was holding you back from freedom, would we sit there and clench tightly to those chains? What if someone came and had they key to unlock the hold it had on us, all the chains fell to the ground, and we were deemed free? Would we say, "NO! I will stay here and hold these chains up so that they appear to be holding me back because that is what I am used to?" NO, we would run, dance, and skip for joy. So why in life when Christ has come and set us free from ALL our sins and trials, do we hold onto them? He wants to carry our load but we do not have enough faith to allow Him.

We are merely humans, we cannot carry this load alone, this we know, however we try to say "Here God, you take this, and this, and I'll hold onto this one because I don't think you can handle it, but you can have this." Our God is the God of the universe, He spoke and made the sun rise, the hung the stars with nothing but words. But I always find myself holding onto the one thing that I want to control. And if we aren't careful that thing we want control over, will soon control us.

Tonight at C4 (A college ministry I attend) Tyson, the leader, spoke about how Abraham trusted God so much that he would give up his only son because God had commanded him. He sacrificed the thing he loved for the one he loved. Now, I can't think of anyone who God's asked to give up their child as an offering, and if He did, they are probably sitting in a cold, hard, jail cell somewhere. But what about the little things, what about our diet, our friends, our job, our time, our relationships, our want for a relationship, our worship? These things are so small in the grand scheme of things so why can't we let go? You see, it is because we are controlling, selfish, doubting humans, that have no faith in the God who saved us. We instead cling to these things and obsess until we stress over them, but guess what!? It doesn't change the outcome one bit. Why? because we are NOT in control, GOD is! So no matter how much we try to say we are in control, or act like we are, we have NOTHING to do with the outcome of trying situations and the only one who can change the outcome is the one who created it.

During Worship I experienced God in such a way that it, physically, brought me down to my knees. I was convicted that I haven't given God my worship, I mean sure, I worship Him at church, in the car, or even in the shower through song, but worship as a way of life? No, I hold onto worship so that when it is convenient for me I can pull it out, get that spiritual high and then tuck it away till I need it again. But our lives should BE worship. We should worship God the way we clean the floors, or how we make dinner for the family, or the way we greet costumers at our work place. It all boils down to this, if we would just give God our heart then everything else would fall into place. Our friends, relationships, worship, fears, doubts, everything would follow.

So tonight, as I lay down in my comfy bed, I am going to make a vow to not hold onto my fears and worries about the future and what is to come. I am going to give God my heart and only worry about Worship, as a way of life, and eventually, everything else will fall into place. I am done obsessing until I stress over things I have no control over. I have fallen down, and I lay my worries, fears, hopes, and dreams at the feet of the only one who can control them, at the feet of Jesus.

Snowed in, in the South

Well, it has been a little while since I have written a post. But since today I am stuck inside because of our southern "Blizzard" I guess I will take the time to fill you all in on my life.

Lately I have been overwhelmed with the holiday season, traveling home to see my family and all the hectic events that come with it. Besides that, I haven’t really known whatto blog about. My life has consisted of small things that pile up into a heap of “to do’s” on my list, things such as; changing my residence, switching all my license plate and license to North Carolina, getting things around to take State Boards (which my written happens a week from tomorrow…PRAY FOR ME!) and getting back into the swing of things. Don’t fret though, even with all ofthese things cluttering my desk my brain has been free to think….well almost. :)

I’ve never really liked making New year’s resolutions because I feel as though very few people ever stick to them. I personally believe that they are empty promises to our-selves, and God, that are rarely ever followed any actions. That is why this year I made a resolution to NOT make a resolution. Now that one I can keep! I don’t see the need to make a “resolution” to dosomething, instead we need to just do it and take life a day at a time. I believe goals are good to set however, resolutions are saying, “I AM going to do this” instead of “I’m working TOWARDS this.” That is why I am setting goals. This way I will have something to work towards and can embrace the journey along the way instead of wanting so badly to be at the end of this Journey.

This same theory caries over into our spiritual lives aswell. I find in my own life that many times when I am discontent with where I am in my spiritual walk instead of embracing what God is doing in my life, how he is shaping and molding me, or teaching me patience, I begin to yearn for the future. I begin to yearn for the end of my journey. I close my eyes and heart to what God’s plan for me is, now in this very day, very minute.

This year I have decided to embrace where I am in my journey, in life, in love, in friendships, and in my spiritual walk. This journey is where God has me. This journey is my own. This journey is my destination.

Here are just a few pictures of how we do it here in the South when there is a "Blizzard" and a couple differences between the North and South!

One. Instead of a snow mobile or even a 4-wheeler southerners use a tractor!

Two. When southerners hear about a few "flurries" the shelves in the canned food isle's at the Local Harris Teeter are BARE!

Three. The one time it does snow in the south, regardless of the fact that they are ecstatic to go outside, it takes 3 hours to get outside because no one knows where to find the proper attire for snow playing.

Four. They care more about what they look like while sledding than how cold it is out.

Five. Only in the south do you find facebook blown up with pictures of every flake of snow that has fallen from the ground.

Six. In the north, at the crack of dawn with the first sign of snow, we hit the roads to find an empty parking lot for doing donuts, in the south, there wont even be a single set of tracks on the road until after 11 am.

Seven. In the south, Rain boots are also considered snow boots.

Eight. In the south if it snows in the morning, no worries it will all melt by dinner time.

Nine. In the north when we come home to a foot of snow we have an hour school delay the next morning, in the south when there is a dusting of snow, they cancel school for a week.

Ten. There is nothing more amazing than seeing the smile on a little southern girls face when she sees snow beginning to fall, up north, when the children sign snow you'd thing you just grounded them for life.

Bonnie Opper. A Hero In my Eyes

In this busy season of life there is so many things we over look, right down to the very breath that we breath. There is so much left to do, so many gifts to get and stocking to stuff. However

today, as I sit here with my hair wet, still in my bathrobe, with only one hour until I am supposed to be to a Christmas party, I am taking the time to pause to remember Bonnie Opper. Bonnie went home to be with the Lord yesterday morning. There are so many things that "need" to be done but for a moment life pauses. I will pause to thank God for what I do have. For my family, my friends, and my Lord, that is what Christmas is all about right?

I can still remember Mrs. Opper trying to get thirty-some kids ready for a play at Teenworks. She would always bring us snacks, water bottles, and anything else we needed. She was always the first one there and one of the last ones to leave. She would get down and do the grime work, setting up before, and then cleaning up after. She was truly self-less. I remember all the times she would help Cassandra and I get ready for The Hiding Place, she was always encouraging to us and never missed a performance, or practice for that fact. You could count on her for anything.

After the first round of cancer I remember seeing her at a basketball game, she had her mask on and looked so tired but she was still there cheering Caleb on. I remember running over to give her a hug and she told me that she was so sick no one could touch her. I can tell you one thing, if I was that sick I would NOT be out, but she was wonder-woman, she was ALWAYS there. Nothing stopped her.

Her legacy will live on for years to come. It truly makes you stop and think about what you are leaving behind for those who follow you. Her legacy is one that we all should strive for, Mother, Wife, Friend, Helper, Encourager, Teacher, A self-less woman, Dependable, Comforting, and above all and Daughter of the King, A woman who loved her creator so much she couldn't help but keep it inside. It flowed out of her every day.

So today, when I got to this party, my hair will probably still be wet, my make up, only half done, and my spirit heavy, but I can tell you this, the worries about what gifts I still need or what to make for Christmas dinner has all melted away, and the real meaning of Christmas has hit me so much harder.

Faith in a Faithless World.

Why is it that every time I try to start this post I can't get the words to come out?

Why is it that we get butterflies from 3 ordinary words?

Why is it the thought of one person can make our heart leap for joy?

Why is it that even when we are dog tired, we will wait up for that one phone call?

Why is it that same person can turn around and break our heart in a million pieces?

And why is it that we will turn right around and set ourselves up for that same thing to happen, yet again?

As humans we are made to crave companionship. Think about it. That is our deepest desire, to be close in companionship with God, and with each other. It makes sense that, to us, nothing is as bad as being alone. Even if we are in a relationship that is abusive, un-equally yolked, or is simply something that is not in God's will for our life, all we want it that love, attention, and companionship. But if we could just learn to rely on GOD for ALL of our needs we know that we will be satisfied. it says in Proverbs 3:5&6,

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight."

But we find this simple things so complex. Why? Because we are only human, we have no trust in us, and we are materialistic. We want to be able to see, with our own eyes, what it is we put our trust in. In all actuality we are, modern-day, doubting Thomas'. We want to see it with our own eyes. We smiply have no faith.

So I am taking the challenge to trust God in this area of my life. Trusting him that I am not going to be alone emotionally, even if HIS will for me is to be along physically. I am trusting in Him to meet my needs so that I can, in return, help him to meet other's needs.

I am choosing to have faith in faithless world.

Canceling My Appointment with the World.

So lately I have been reminded how precious life is, we are but a vapor, here today and gone tomorrow. It makes me stop and think, think about what is it we will be remembered by. What will people say about us once we are gone? What legacy will we leave? And more importantly, what have I done to further the kingdom, or should I be trying ten times harder??

There is a girl I know who, just yesterday, decided to go through with an abortion she had scheduled for today. She found out she was pregnant and then decided to keep the baby after making the appointment, however she never canceled her appointment. Then, for whatever reason, she decided that she couldn't do this and was going to abort, I mean she already had the appointment, why not? Right?

Now, I am not sure if she really did or not because when I tried to call and tell her that I had heard of a family who would be interested in the baby if she would not abort and that I would help her with medical bills and what not she told me that she wanted nothing to do with me and was going to take me to court for harassment, thus I have not tried to contact her. I asked my sisters in Christ to join me in prayer last night and, if nothing else, that girl has been covered in prayer like none-other. So thank you so much to everyone who prayed.

But it makes me wonder, why is it that when we try to do the right thing it always blows up in our face? I believe it is because Satan wants to discourage us. You see, she made me feel guilty for telling people about her "situation" as she so vividly put it. She said she didn't want anything to do with our "prayer chains" or our "god" ....Well, I am going to continue to keep people posted on what little I know and pray ten times harder, because I have seen the power of prayer and from seeing a few text messages she sent my friend, I am not sure she went through with it today. I will continue to pray for her and doing what is right, and when the Devil slaps me in the face, with God's help, we will PUNCH him back...ten times harder.

You see, sometimes we make appointments with our own "Abortion Clinic" whether it be that friend we keep ties with just for the occasional night out on the town, the bottle of vodka we stash away "just incase", the extra credit card we just keep in our wallets for "mall emergencies", or even the tub of ice cream in the freezer outside saved for our next depression run. When what we really need to do is cancel our appointment all together, cancel our appointment with the world so that when things start to get tough we can't simply show up to a perviously made appointment, but instead, we have to really think about it before we even make an appointment. So I am going to try to cancel my appointment with the world, and instead make one with Jesus, because only he is the REAL solver of all our problems.

~Kenna

What do I know to be true?

Sometimes I wonder what it is that God is doing with my life? I mean we hear all the time to embrace the life we have, to be diligent in the things God gives us now and not worry about the future. But as I sit here on the first of the month with my bills all due today and my bank account hardly balancing out to what I owe, and the holidays just around the corner, it is hard to "just trust" that God will provide. The bottom line is this, my job's pay the bills and that is all. I don't' have wiggle room, I can hardly take a day off to schedule my state boards for Cosmetology school, and with the clock ticking away I feel the pressure growing.

As I try to take some time to reflect, I am reminded of the sweet words of my Pastor's Wife, who consoled me through High school, she always told me to go back to what I KNOW to be true about God. Is he Faithful? Yes! Is he true? Yes. Will he always provide for me? Yes. Will I ever be without? No. Does he love me? Yes. Am I secure in my status of being his princess? Yes. Do I need to know anything else? No.

After reflecting on this, my heart is a bit at ease. However there is always that burden of being an adult. I know that God will provide though. Also, I am trying to setting more realistic goals. I have decided that by this time next year I want to be living on my own and working full time in a salon. Besides working towards my goals I am now going to leave it all up to God.

Thanks for listening

~Kenna

Through the Eyes of a Child.

Hey there y'all! I hope you have all had a great time with your families and are full of yummy food! I thought I would do a little something different for this blog. Not everyone see's things through the same pair of eyes, there are many different ways that we experience things, especially the holidays! So for the next few minutes, sit back and remember what it was like when YOU were eleven and the world was only as big as you were tall.....

Hi I am Brooke but you can call me Brookie I love to read kenzi's (you all know her as kenna) blog. Any ways...I was just sitting with here and she was reading her last bolg post and i loved it and I thought, 'Well, it was all about ME!!!!!!!!! Maybe I should write a blog!' so here I go!

Well I thought about how much I love thanksgiving so I am going to say all the things I think were the best about my thanksgiving.

1.going to spend time with my family

2.knowing that i have my birthday in less then a mouth

3. and last but not least not going home until late tomorrow

thanks for listen to me!

I love you kenzi.

So there was Thanksgiving from an eleven year old's perspective. Sometimes I wish that I still could see through the eyes of a child. This year I tried to put those glasses back on and eat, without counting calories, ride golf carts, with my hair down, fall asleep on the couch WITH my shoes on, and watch football just because the dad's were. I think I succeeded! I was even told that I drooled while I slept.

I believe to say that this vacation was anything less that an adventure would be an inadequate statement. We have had a car over heat and were forced to leave it at Starbucks, played "Left, Right, Center" and gone through, over $200 combined, shopped till we drooped, had a few "situations" and lots of laughter! I am beyond blessed to have the TerKeurst's in my life and a wonderful place to spend the holidays!

Until next time,

~Kenna

All About Brookie

I love being pampered, and although I never like to spend the time, or money, on getting my nails done. I decided I needed them done this week because the holidays were fast approaching. However, just like everything else in my life, the week slipped by and my nails were still in need of some SERIOUS, T.L.C....I was sharing this with one of the girls that I have spent the last year and a half with, while we were putting up a Christmas Tree. She shared with me that she thought I was such a hard worker I deserved to get my nails done, and she was going to do them for me! Now this girl was not a friend from school, she doesn't do nails, and she isn't even 5 ft. tall yet. She is an eleven year old blond haired, blue eyes, sweet girl who "pampered" me tonight with her Homemade foot soak that was made out of bath crystals and tap water, all mixed together in a small rubbermaid storage bin. She was so proud of herself though, and what did i think might you ask? I was relaxed the second I sat down.

My little brooke had her room all set up for me with youtube glowing across my laptop screen as it light a dark room, playing "relaxing spa music" No joke, go check it out! It was quite calming. Any ways, she massaged my feet, and painted my nails for almost an hour. (of course afterwards I had to repay her with a manicure).

Now, as I type away with brooke sound asleep in the bed next to me I can't help but pray, pray that she keep that servants heart through out her life and that no one ever would burn her out on service. What a sweetie!

Well tomorrow morning comes early and at 8am we are rolling out the drive way on our way to FL! I am so excited to spend Thanksgiving with the TerKeurst's and to have found "family" in them while I am here in North Carolina and my family is in Michigan.

So, this year, I will be thankful for Brookie, the sweet, servant like, genuine, honest, loving girl that she is....the same girl that, right before she headed off to never land said, "Kenzie, Write a post about.....me!!!!!!!"

so here you go Brookie! I love you!

I miss the fire fly days...

I remember when I was a little girl watching the movie Peter Pan and wondering why, in the end, the Darling children never wanted to grow up? For when they were adults they could set their own bed time, keep Nanna in the house, and even jump on their beds whenever they pleased. Even as I grew into my teen years and Peter Pan became one of my top five favorite books I still couldn't wait to grow up. My mother used to tell me to never grow up and to always keep my innocence. I would always shrug my shoulder's and embrace every comment from people saying "Wow! You act way older than 13.(or 14 and so on)" I always wanted to be older.

As I came to my senior year the adrenaline began to kick in, I knew that being "adult" was the life I always wanted, making my own decisions, setting my own bed times, and going where I wanted when I wanted, I couldn't wait! I was all set up to attend Grace Bible College for Theater but my whimsical, adventurous side got the better of me and brought me to a small town 800 miles away from home, just outside of Charlotte, North Carolina called Waxhaw. It was the perfect place for me to start my new life, whatever that may be. There was only a handful of people I knew and those people were very dear to my heart, I had meet them through an amazing ministry my mom worked for called Proverbs31. I visited in the summer, still having no idea where I was going to live or what I was going to do. I retuned home for my opening of Grease The Musical and after we performed our last show I packed my stuff and the next week was up at 3am on a Friday morning eager to head out in this new phase of life. We drove 17 hours and eventually made it to Charlotte.

I decided to attend a Cosmetology school and spent one year of my life living with some amazing people. There were three different families I lived with, rent free might I add, and they were all amazing and I am so grateful to them!

However, It didn't take long for reality to sink in and although I would never admit it, I cried myself to sleep that first night, and many nights after. The next year was an adjustment, I had to begin paying for my own gas, school, food, and fun things. But it was NOTHING compared to my life now. I remember working so hard and being at school so much that I never truly spent time with the families I lived with. But they never seemed to mind my absence. They were great! The "school" chapter of my life came to a close and I was so excited, and even though I still have state boards to do I felt like a weight was off my shoulders, and now I could FINALLY make money!

But along with the end of school came the end of not paying for my own stuff since then I have taken on the responsibility of ALL my expenses, including, rent (which is still very cheap thanks to Holly Good), insurance, paying off my school, phone, my new car, and soon my health care, dental, and everything else. I have realized that I am now an adult, and the glamor of it is totally gone. I don't want to grow up any more. I want to go back to never land. Things were so much easier in my firefly catching days. I miss Peter Pan, and even Captain Hook wasn't that bad after all. I now am grateful for the times I had and feel as Taylor Swift put it so well in her song Never Grow up,

"Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room

Memorize what it sounded like when your dad get's home

Remember the footsteps, remember the words said

And all you're little brothers favorite songs

I just realized everything I had is someday gonna be gone

So, here I am in my new apartment

In a big city, they just dropped me off

It's so much colder than I thought it would be

So, I tucked myself in and turned my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up

I wish I'd never grown up"

Not only that, but my adventurous side is kicking in again, and I had let Satin get a foot hold on my thoughts. I felt convicted every time someone talked about missions or serving at a camp or homeless shelter for a week. I felt guilty and like I was not serving God. But I now see that we all have chapters in our lives and this chapter of mine, my serving is being diligent in the Word, and tithing, or taking a struggling teen out to coffee so she can vent about her High-school Drama! So I have decided to embrace where I am now. I love where I live and who I get to spend my times with! I know that God is stretching me and molding me today for what he has for me in the future. Until then, I will go to bed before 9, tuck myself in, turn on my nightlight, and drift off to never land where there are many adventures to be held.

Things don’t ever go according to plans, do they?

When we want our chicken to be grilled, it comes out fried.

We plan to go to the mall, and we get called to work instead.

You plan a lunch date, and your friend forgets.

You plan a long weekend with two of your best friends, and 8 inches of snow decides to fall and accidents surround you.

Let me explain.

About 3 weeks ago I received a text from my good friend Cameron. He told me that the last weekend in January was his weekend off and he and his fiancé, Chelsea, who I am also close with, wanted to meet me half-way between Charlotte and Nashville for a fun weekend get-away. What a perfect idea!

So, I checked with my school and my boss and began to work things out. We found a town, a hotel, fun things to do, and some movies to watch. Everything seemed to be going perfectly. Before we knew it, the weekend was here!

With bags packed and excitement in the air, I started my day. First, school. Second, work. Third, Cameron and Chelsea….here I come!

School went well and work was great. I packed my “girls” (aka. Lysa TerKeurst’s daughters, whom I was helping out with on Friday afternoon) for a weekend at the Great Wolfe Lodge with their dad. Then I hopped in my car, a half hour earlier than planned.

Things were looking good for me, and despite the fact that the weather man was calling for a “blizzard”, I ventured out. Me being a small-town, northern girl, I knew I could brave ANY storm. And I’d seen what southerners call a snow storm. I call it a ‘dusting’.

Well the snow began to spit. Nothing much, just a few flurries. As I made my way to the mountains, nothing was going to stop me.

The further I drove the worse it got. The treetops began to be feathered with white fluff, and the road became damp. I assumed that it would get better.

However, it didn’t.

About 30 minutes later, the trees were white, the ground was slick, and the southerners around me began to slip and slide and honestly, I began to laugh a little.

As traffic came to a crawl, things began to get worse. Soon we were stopped.

After sitting still for about 15 minutes, I got out of my car to see what was going on. About four cars in front of me, there was a jeep stuck in the snow. As these now-cold southerners sat in their warm new BMW’s, Mustangs, and Jaguars, I saw this one poor man who was struggling to get his SUV out of the ditch with the help of his passenger.

Being the northern girl that I am and observing their spinning wheels, I knew they were only making it worse by digging themselves into this ditch. I threw on my leather jacket, grabbed my fleece, and headed out to help. I rigged a little “Yankee traction” under the tires, taught them how to “rock” the vehicle and helped them out. I chuckled under my breath as I got back into my 1998 Buick.

We actually began to move again. However, it did not last long.

Suddenly things were dead. With 8 inches of snow around us and no sign of movement, people were getting impatient and finally emerging from their cars. There were so many accidents that the interstate and all exits were now completely closed until morning. Many were abandoning their cars to try to get to safety.

With my gas gauge almost to empty, I decided the best thing to do would be to abandon my car too and walk.

Walk with ALL of my belongings for the weekend to the nearest hotel. Mr. Scott (Chitwood–my southern dad) called and made reservations at a hotel at the next exit for me. (Thank God!)

So, I began my hike.

I met a girl on the way and we got to talking. But then as our fingers began to go numb on our nearly 3-mile walk and our chattering voices fell silent.

However, my thoughts piped up.

You see, in my head I was going over all of my many complaints: my feet were cold, I couldn’t feel my hands, my nose was running, my shoulder really hurt, I might not get to meet my friends, I was hungry. The usual self-centered ’I’ and ‘me’ statements.

But suddenly, I began to think about all of the things I was carrying.

My coach purse my parents got me for my 18th birthday; my MacBookPro laptop I bought with my graduation open house money; my Nikon camera; my clothes; my cell phone; my movies. And as I did, a picture popped into my whining and complaining mind.

I thought about all the people in Haiti.

They were in the same boat as me, only worse.

You see they don’t even have any of those nice things to carry.

They can’t walk a few miles to a waiting, warm bed.

They don’t have clean water.

They can’t even pay $10 for an over priced salad at the hotel restaurant.

I began to realize that I was blessed.

We are all blessed.

Even when things don’t go as we planned.

Even when we have to walk.

In the cold.

In a half-foot of snow.

For three miles.

Still, we are blessed.

To put an end to my story– a nice family who hardly spoke English gave both the girl I was walking with and me a ride the rest of the way to the hotel. I got checked in and am now waiting out the storm. They say it won’t be until Sunday that I can get my car and leave.

Right now, I am taking this time to be still; to pray; to think about how blessed I am and the way God works things out.

Things may not always go according to our plans, but they are always in line with God’s plans.

Taking Time For A Baby.

in the craziness of the Holiday's it is so easy to lose focus. Just what is Christmas is all about? Not the gifts, or lights, or even family, but about a baby, a baby who came down to earth as nothing in the worlds eyes. Yet became everything to those who would only believe.

Today was my last day at the Swope's before I head home next week for Christmas. Aster (one year old) was not feeling well and wanted to be held, all day long. So I put her on my hip and began about my every-monday routine. But being the sweet, full of energy, always alert little girl that she is, she did not like that I was paying more attention to the dusting and moping than I was to her. So she began to fuss, she kicked a bit and finally began to yell. It was at this point that I abandoned my cleaning to take some time to sit and hold her. We sat on the couch and turned on some christmas music. And as we cuddled there listening to music about joy and Jesus something came to my attentions. You see I always think of Jesus being this grate man who saved the world from sin, and although that is true, I find that so often I forget about how he first came to earth. He was a baby. He cried, he had smelly diapers, he needed attention, and he wanted love. Everything just clicked with me right then and there as I snuggled with this small baby that I love so much. you see, I always knew the story of how Jesus came to earth as a baby, but it never really hit me the way it did today. He had a mother, a father, sisters, and brothers. And although I don't have any children, there are kids that I love dearly and can't imagine my life without. Sweet little Aster being one of them. The emotions of how his mother must of felt overwhelmed me. She built into his life, she loved him, she changed him, she abandoned all else for him. What have I done for him?
I believe that God sent his son to earth, as a baby, to show his gentle, meek, loving, spirit. What is less intimidating that a child? If you give a child a little attention and show them that you love them they will love you back forever. Just like Jesus. All he asks for is our attention and our love. How many times though do we abandon him for the business of life? The Laundry, Dusting, Moping, or vacuuming. How many times does he have to yell at us to get our attention. And how many times when he does do we think he is being unfair and not considering what we have to do. You see all he wants is us to take time from our busy schedules to be with him, to love him and be loved by him. This is a lesson that Aster helped me remember this Holiday season. Don't get so busy with life and things that we forget people and God.

At the end of our day as I fed her a bottle the song "Mary Did You Know?" came on and It helped to conclude my thoughts for the day. You see, Mary took time out of her life, a lot more than most people do, to just be with jesus and to love him. We should follow her example. So this Christmas remember just how much God loves us, he sent his Son, his ONLY son, into the world to give us Hope! It is my prayer that we all can remember to take time to praise the one who this season is all about. Not only God the great, all mighty, powerful, majestic savior, but Jesus, the meek, humble, sweet baby who one day would save us all.

All You Need Is Love

Do you ever wonder how things would of been?

Do you ever regret anything you have done?

Life has this nasty little habit of bringing up Hurt and pain from the past to the future.

Some of this caused by those around us, some by chance, but most of it is

brought upon us by our own selfish nature.

No matter how far away we go or how many times we tell ourselves we are ok,

that things will get better our choices cling to us like our shadow wherever we go.

Contradictory to what most people things A "new start" is not simply getting up and moving half way across the country because it is not a physical change, it is a change of the heart.

And changing the heart is hard. It takes time and God. We can not do it alone and we cannot fid the answers to all of lives question without God and the ones he send to help us along the way.

So, what about those we take for granted?

The ones we loved the most. The ones we will never be able to get back..

I believe for those of us who have had a hard time truly loving someone, when we do, we love them forever, we will always have a place for them in our hearts, because they will be partial owner.

They hold a part that we will never get back, and shouldn't want to.

I mean, we gave them that part of our heart for a reason, right? Because they are trustworthy, compassionate, accepting, loving, caring, respectful, and above all worth of that love?

There are so many reasons that people slip away, and even more reasons that we push them away. No matter if it is fear, hurt, confusion, or plain selfishness, we learn from our mistakes. We learn that once we find someone so special, we hold on even harder. And though we may never be able to have that same relationship with that person as we did before, we have learned to hold fast to what we DO have. Life is too short, every day we must be a living testimony that Love truly is the greatest of all gifts, In the words of the Beatles, All You Need Is Love....I think they got that one dead on!

So no matter where you are, where we are in our relationship at this moment, know there is hope. And Love truly is all you need.